Self Improvement for Geeks

Welcome to the first installment of The Paladin's Path!  This is going to something a little different than what I've done before. There will still be plenty of "Storytime with Grant" moments, but rather than breaking down aspects, issues, or story arcs of a comic book character, this blog is actually going to be about me, and the journey that I've started to improve myself physically, emotionally, and (to a certain extent) spiritually, as filtered through the lens of superhero comics and both fantasy books and movies.

Before we get rolling, though, I should probably offer a short disclaimer. If you're a fan of my other projects, Unearthly Visions (unearthlyvisions.blogspot.com) and Avatar of the Green (avatarofthegreen.blogspot.com), a good deal of what you're about to read will be very similar to the introductory installments of both of those blogs. It's a trend that I can't seem to break free of, a thing I call "my history with this thing we're about to talk about". If you're new to the way I string words together into pithy sentences, no you don't need to go back and read my old stuff to make sense of my ramblings (though it would be appreciated - nice to meet you by the way). If you're already familiar with my shenanigans...just bear with me.

So anyway, I've always been a little obsessed with the hero archetype. I blame this largely on the time period of my early formative years, mainly the late 1970s. I saw the original Star Wars at least twice at a drive-in before I started kindergarten. On Saturday mornings I would watch Challenge of the Super Friends with my dad. On summer weekday afternoons I would watch syndicated reruns of the 60s Spider-Man cartoon with my grandpa. Prime time television brought me my first crush, Linda Carter as Wonder Woman.

Unsurprisingly, I became a fan of comic books pretty early on. Around the time I turned seven (we're on to the early 80s now), my grandpa became my main source of this life long addiction. Whenever I would spend a weekend with him and my grandma (which was pretty often), he'd take me to the convenience store up the road from his house and would let me raid the magazine rack for comics. Over the next few years I became deeply, if sporadically, embroiled in the dramatic exploits of the World War II era All Star Squadron, the futuristic Legion of Superheroes, the mutant outcast X-Men, and the muck encrusted mockery of man known as the Swamp Thing. 

There's something I some things I should clarify about the Richter household involving pop culture before we continue. Though superhero movies, cartoons, and live action television shows were fine, superhero comics were tolerated, though largely frowned upon and occasionally outright discouraged, by old mom and dad. Ironically, though, movies that shared many of the same qualities as superhero comics - fantastic powers, daring adventures, larger than life characters - were totally fine, so I ended up watching a LOT of fantasy movies as a kid. The vast majority of my childhood viewing was compromised of Clash of the Titans, the the second Schwarzenegger Conan movie (the first was off limits), Beast Master, Dragon Slayer, Krull, Legend, and Willow.

(Before anyone asks, I've never been a fan of Labyrinth, the Dark Crystal, and the Neverending Story. I know, heresy of heresies.)

Continuing the ever amusing theme of irony, while fantasy movies were wholly encouraged (going to see fantasy movies with my mom during the summer was a tradition for a couple of years) fantasy books were NOT. "But Grant", you may ask, "why was this the case?". Excellent question.

You see, for those of you too young to remember or those of you just not interested in weird American hysterias, there was this thing in the 80s called the "Satanic Panic" (it sounds like a line from a Rocky Horror song, I know). What it basically amounted to was a widespread belief among far Right Evangelicals that Satanic cults had infiltrated every aspect of American society, were eating babies at every opportunity, using metal music to deliver secret messages, and were using fantasy based games like Dungeons and Dragons to lure young people into practicing witchcraft. Mrs Grant's Mom didn't fully buy into this whole party line, but she was of the idea that too much fantasy roleplay would skew with a person's perception of reality and would drive teenage boys to start hacking up random people with battle axe or something. I wasn't a gamer, but since I spent most of my time on television restriction for miscellaneous mischief and I usually filled my downtime by reading, she probably assumed that fantasy books would have the same effect on me that she feared the games would have on others.

So...no fantasy books in the Richter household!

(Again with the irony I should point out that while fantasy novels were out of bounds, horror was perfectly acceptable. Elves, dragons, and dwarves were a no-no, but murder hotels and alien sewer clowns were fine.

I know.)

When I was 17, though, two amazing things happened: 1) I got a job, and 2) I got my own car. Faced with this boost of relative freedom, and with no financial responsibilities beyond my car insurance payment, I did what any other young man in my position would have done. I went to the bookstore at the mall.

(Sigh)

There,in the back of the store, catty-cornered to the rather large horror section that I'd originally been seeking, was the comparatively small fantasy section (divided, I might add, from the strictly sci-fi books, as it should be). On a whim I decided to pick from their somewhat limited selection, honestly basing my decision mostly on cover art. It was one of those series that's based on a roleplay game system so I won't embarass myself by giving away the name, but suffice it to say it involved dragons...and lances.

I'm not ashamed, however, to admit that I was completely hooked from the very first pages. The world was one I could get lost in (at least for my age at the time), and the characters, while not very original in scope, were renderer with tremendous heart and personality.

Most people that I've talked to that have read this particular series all tend to focus on one specific character, however: a snarky, sickly, golden-skinned wizard with hourglass shaped pupils. I say that guy is an asshole. The character I gravitated to almost instantly was (surprise) the paladin.

Technically, he's never actually referred to as a paladin (as far as I can remember, it's been about twenty five years). For most of his appearances he's never even technically inducted into the knightly order to which he aspires ( though that order is dedicated to the god of good of their world, named Paladine... subtle huh?). Despite all of this, however, while all of the other knights in this world have devolved into little more than self-serving politicians, hurting who they can and helping only those who they must, Sturm is the one knight-like character who hurts only whom he must and helps all he can.

(We'll be coming back to this last line and discussing it's source in great detail in a later installment.)

This was the guy in the trilogy that always did what was right, what was honorable, even if that right thing was the hardest thing you could possibly do. Toss in a tender, doomed romance with an aloof gothy elf princess and I was SOLD!  I liked this character so much that during the scene where he dies heroically at the end the the second book (SPOILERS), I - 17 year old, combat boots wearing, thrash metal listening me - had to get up from class and excuse myself to the restroom so my girlfriend and buddies wouldn't see my eyes sweating.

I ended up relating to this character so much it even effected my comic book reading. Up until that point, like a lot of young men of the time, I'd been primarily interested for the past few years in dark, violent antiheroes: Wolverine, Archangel, Ghost Rider, Marshal Law, and the like. Suddenly, I found myself obsessed with Captain America, at a time when Cap's legitimacy and relevance were considered questionable at best. I want to be THAT GUY, the paragon...the paladin.

For a while I even pulled it off. I was totally straight edge, I felt the first stirrings of the spirituality that I would later better define and embrace, and I was quick to go face to face with any early 90s high school proto-MAGA if I came across them picking on a girl or some smaller kid.

It felt... good!

Though I've had a couple of resurgences over the years, I've unfortunately spent more time off of the Paladin's Path than on it. Too many times and for too many years I've consciously chosen to not do the right or responsible thing in favor of something that, at the time, I thought was fun, or funny (ie, "mean"), or that I didn't want to be bothered with, or because I was too angry, or too depressed, or whatever.

That's all done now. Yes, I still slip up when I'm tired or especially stressed, but I'm determined to get back on the Paladin's Path and stay there. That's part of why I'm writing this blog, because if I stray from the Path consciously once this specific post goes live for all the blogosphere to read, I'll be a hypocrite, or, in more anachronistic terms, an oath-breaker.

So, how's this whole thing going to work anyway?  Well, there will be some musings on the philosophical nature of ethics and morality, more often than not given voice through superheroes, fantasy, and other pop culture references. Though spirituality is obviously a big part of the Path for me, it's something that's very personal, so I may not be talking about it much beyond generalities until I'm a little more comfortable sharing.

What I will be talking about more frequently, however, is my attempt to get back into proper shape. Why is fitness a part of the Path?  About ten years ago I went through one of those aforementioned resurgences. At the time I was doing a daily fitness routine, even supervising a physical training program for convicted drug offenders. At the same time I was in an emotional place where I was the most firm in my spiritual beliefs. It was one of the few times in my life where my morality, my spirituality, and my physicality were in perfect synch, and I very much want to get back to that place.

All of you that are (hopefully) reading this are welcome to follow along with my journey. As with my previous blogs I encourage all questions and comments. You can, of course, leave one here on the blog itself, or you can also find me on Twitter @grantrichter09.

It's time to get started.