This Is My Hammer...

THIS is my hammer.

"But Grant", you may say, "you live in a Florida condo and you've never worked construction a day in your life. Why the hell do you even own a sledgehammer? "

Astute observation and an excellent question. There are actually two answers.

The first is that it's somewhat tied to my spirituality. When I first began "practicing" almost twenty years ago I used it as a meditation focus, something to help separate my conscious mind from mundane day-to-day thoughts. A lot of people who hold beliefs that are at least tangentially similar to mine will sometimes use things like ornately designed daggers or decorative swords for the same purpose.

I'm not the most subtle person though. I'd like to think that I can paint a pretty (or at least entertaining) picture with written words, but face to face I don't often say more than I have to and when I do I'm usually rather blunt. A designer knife and a Ren Faire sword never really felt like my kind of thing, so I went to Home Depot and got myself the closest thing I could find (ie, "afford") to a functional war hammer. I haven't used it for meditation for a long time, but it will always be an integral part of where I've been.

The second reason I own a sledgehammer is that I really like to work out with it.

I'm one of those weird people that likes to exercise. I don't do it often enough anymore  because 1) I'm a full time dad with a limited amount of downtime, and 2) I'm becoming "of a certain age" and things hurt that didn't hurt before. Other than jogging, running, or generally trying to escape from something that isn't actually chasing you, though, I think working out is kind of fun.

That being said, I fucking hate going to the gym. If I wanted to go a big neon and chrome infused building filled with overly loud pop music, bombarded with two dozen televisions playing the news, daytime talk shows, sports, and other depressing things, and share equipment with other sweaty people...well, I wouldn't want to do any of those things. 

Sure I've done it. Going to the gym was a regular part of about five years of my daily routine, but as life pushes one further and further into the responsibilities of adulthood (whether you're already an adult well after this process begins or not), dedicating yourself to something for which you have neither adequate time nor money becomes to feel more and more foolish.

For the better part of the last ten years, then, I've sought out less conventional forms of exercise, things I could do at home, things that didn't cost me sixty dollars a month, and things that were that were interesting enough to keep me from getting bored in a week. I've done isometric bodyweight exercises. I've done a type of yoga that's maximizes caloric burn and muscle fatigue. I've done lots and lots of kettlebell. Each has yielded positive results in their own way, and each is currently not being used for various reasons.

At the moment I'm mostly alternating between two different types of exercise. The first is a video of high intensity interval training. The other is doing a few laps in the pool of my condo, followed by a few simple body weight exercises. I started this routine about a month ago and I'm pretty pleased with the results so far.

There are, as with all things, limitations of course. If it's a swim day, and if it's raining outside, there's a good chance I'm not going swimming. If it's a HIIT day, and my knees are bothering me (bad knees are the bane of the tall) I may have to sit that one out. Sometimes I can flip-flop the two, but sometimes life just gets in the way by other means.

One of wacky little obstacles turned out recently to be a hurricane. Pretty much all of Florida and I took a road trip out of state a few weeks ago (you might have heard about it). While I'd intended to keep up some sort of exercise during the evacuation (losing workout momentum is a pain to recover from) being stuck in a small motel room with a dog, a cat, and a very bored and cranky kid is not conducive to effective fitness.

What I did have time to do was read. Shortly before starting on the Path I began reading the Paladin Trilogy by Daniel M Ford. These books so accurately encapsulate what had been my personal spirituality for years that they greatly inspired me to begin my journey, as well as obviously influencing the name of this blog (plus they are incredibly well written).

Beyond the coincidence of spiritual parallel, one thing that I enjoy about the Paladin series is that it avoids the trope of the titual character being a young handsome man wielding a gleaming sword. The paladin of the books, Allystaire Coldbourne, is in his late thirties, has creaky knees, and carries a war hammer. Knowing that I wanted to make fitness a part of the Path, and reminded by the books of how much my hammer has been a part of my spirituality I began plotting ways to tie the two together.

Before anyone asks, no I don't go out in the back yard and smash it repeatedly against a monster truck tire. It's supposed to be a really good cardio and muscle building workout and it does look like a lot of fun. As I've mentioned, though, I live in  a condo, so I don't have anywhere I could store a tractor tire, and even if I did I imagine my neighbors would probably call the cops on me  if they saw me in the communal back yard wailing away on one with a sledgehammer.

What I do, however, is a serious of controlled movements that replicate in slow motion how a war hammer would be used in a fight (or how I assume one would be used any - it's not like I've been a mideaval weapons fight before), combined with certain calesthetic movements. I do a slow approximation of an overhand strike combined with a squat. I do one handed bicep curls and tricep extensions holding the hammer halfway up the handle with the head pointed forward. I do a slow "baseball bat swing", which isometrically engages pretty much engages all the body's muscles at some point.

(I got these exercises from a YouTube video by the way, so I can't take credit for them. I'd share the link but I found out the guy who made it has other videos where he explains how the alt-right really are "fine people", and I don't support Nazis.)

The hammer exercises only take a few minutes and give me at least a good muscle building workout, if not a cardiovascular one. When I don't have time for HIIT or swimming, or the fates conspire against me in some other way to prevent me from doing either, I can use to hammer to ensure I get a decent workout for the day, and I also feel that I'm doing something to better myself both physically and spiritually.

Before I close things out, I wanted to say that I'm overwhelmed by the positive responses I've received so far for the first installment of The Paladin's Path. "Self Improvement for Geeks" has gotten more reads in a short amount of time that I've had for any post of either of my previous blogs, and I've had a lot of great comments on Twitter. Among those comments are the remarks that some of you would like to join me on the Path!  That's great!  I'd love the company!

I should clarify, though, that just because I feel it's important for me to incorporate my spirituality into my journey on the Path, doesn't mean that you have to as well (though attentive readers may have picked up on my less than subtle clues to figure out what it is exactly, should they be interested). In fact, you don't have to follow any spirituality at all to be a Paladin.

Along those same lines, fitness is not necessary for your personal journey (if you're interested in taking one of course). I include it because I'm not satisfied with where I am physically and I want to maximize my potential. No matter what you're shape, if you're happy with you, I'm happy for you.

(...and PLEASE do not take anything I say here as fitness advice. I am far from qualified to give anyone advice about fitness.)

Being a Paladin is about becoming the most ethical, honorable person you can be, and finding what else in your life can help you get there. If, for you, that thing is promoting your favorite comic book character, being politically active, putting on a podcast about your favorite topic (s), cooking, playing with you kid, playing with your cat, whatever, go do that thing and use it to help you always try to do the right thing.

As always, I welcome any questions, comments, or concerns about anything in this or the previous installment of The Paladin's Path. Feel free to comment here on the blog itself, or I can almost always be reached on Twitter @grantrichter09.

It's time to get to work.